so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
