but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize