she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You're like the curious george of whores
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
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I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
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Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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