??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
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Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
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Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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