he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
