U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.