I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.