I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups