You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha