Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
where am i from again
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment