Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I smell stomach acid.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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