I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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