im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I party with great urgency now.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
