I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
