I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
