she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
