that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So many bounce houses so little time
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
