Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
