I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
