god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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