A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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