Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
this hospital has no fireball
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
