Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
