I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
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He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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