I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
