is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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