I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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