NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
