They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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