Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
