you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
