Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
false alarm, still single
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