Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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