i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
