Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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