I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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