he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
