I hope mine doesn't look like that
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
