you would pick up someone in the library
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
