I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
