i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
