I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I looked at my own cervix.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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