Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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