Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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