So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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