I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
