I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
