that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
