Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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