Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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