There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
