fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
