Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Who died my cat blue again?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
