I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
