I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
