she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
