For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
