We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
