I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My penis needs a shock collar
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
