there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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