woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
