Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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