**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
