You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
