Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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