also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
