she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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