so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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