I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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