Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
