allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
