you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
