Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
