too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
