a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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