swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
