using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
