She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
