is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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