im drinking this country out of the recession.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
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I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
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Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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